Awaken You Wonderful We

Continued from: Awaken You Wonderful We – Letter to Readers, Parents, Politicians, Scientists to save the victims of Autism, ADHD, Depression, and Suicide Part 3

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” Albert EinsteinChildren in the city have less chance to interact with others; they spend most of the time on television, smartphones and playing toys. Time for parents in city play with children is very little. Most of the time children in Vietnam spend time with the domestic helpers who have little connection, compassion and little love for children; they only for care physiological needs. Most of the domestic helpers rarely talk, embrace and hug children with love like their parents do. These domestic helpers without emotion are like robots. The first important stage of life of autistic children in the city, they have far less time spent on direct contact, direct communication, close connecting and close interacting with other people than normal children do. If paying attention, parents can read the early signs of stress and indifference in their children. When parents and adults in the city arguing loudly, a lot of shouting and crying, the autistic children lie in bed with frailty, scare, intense, and trembling. They are in extreme stress state with a lot of stress chemicals run throughout the body. Early visible problem is stomach upset with a lot of vomiting and excessive acid. Each stress, cortisone, adrenalin, and nor-epinephrine pumped into the body. Children activate the stress system as if they are in a dangerous environment; all functions reduced, just putting all the effort into stress state like “fight or flight”. Unfortunately, they cannot fight and they cannot fly except crying and screaming. Stressed children may turn away, have feelings of insecure, indifferent to many things and do not look at their parents’ eyes. Because of fear and stress, when parents hug them, they resist with the stiffness in muscle, do not put their head on their parent’s shoulder comfortably; they cry more often, sudden awake during periods of sleep. These are the signals that children are in problems. When there is stress in the family, the autistic children are the weakest member of the family, bearing the most consequences of the stress, conflict and negative emotions in the family. They have signals of stress with more watchful, awake and unsafe at home as if they are in the new environment. They need the love and connection of parents to calm negative feelings down. If parents misread the behaviors of children, they not only miss the opportunity for their children to gain the materials to support the development of emotional intelligence in the previous phase of life but also, they worsen the stress that their children have to bear. Observing children in safe, we will see they are stretching arms, playing freely and naturally; talking and singing endlessly, smiling all day, making many funny and silly actions; hugging comfortably and sleep comfortably on the shoulder of parents.

Why early stage of life is precious time? Precious time relates to the development of the brain. Infant’s brain lack lots of normal functions; infant babies cannot see, cannot hear; they just feel the emotions and energy from the surrounding. The first stage of life is the period of the rapid perfection of the brain. It will be very dangerous when the first phase of this life is interrupted, especially caused by panic or stress. If we look at the living conditions of autistic children, there is a lot of pressure and negative energy, which is harsh and stressful for the immature brain of the children.If we make statistics of direct interaction time between parents with autistic children and parents with normal children, we will see the relation. Epidemiology of autism also shows that when parents are older, their children are more likely to have autism. For me, this is evidence of poor energy in interaction and less connection and the bad lifestyle of living. The old people often prefer more silence, serious in action, strict in order and neatness than the young parents do. This also reduces the chance of playing for children and creates additional psychological pressure on the children.

Why the number of autistic boys higher than the number of autistic girls, which is four times higher in the United States and eight times higher in Vietnam. This is the evidence of the advantage in individual ability; here is the instinctive advantage of gender. From ancient time, women were often at home, doing agriculture works, caring for and protecting their children from danger. Thus, they created a high degree of emotional intuition; quick understand the child feelings; and a comprehensive scanning the intention of strangers. Mothers have to have good judgment of stranger’s intention standing behind their children in a blink of an eye. Just listening to the crying of their babies, mothers can understand what the babies need, are they in danger or not. This ability is perfect for the instinct of mothers because it is formed from the early stages of life. With them, emotional skills and social skills are the most prioritized. Baby girls prioritize develop emotional and social skills earlier than baby boys do. With good interaction intelligence, baby girls tend to care for others, smile, make fun, talk and affection behaviors more than baby boys at the same age. In Vietnam, cute girls usually get more hugging, cuddling, loving action, kissing on cheeks and talking than baby boys do. In characters relate to gender, girls are familiar with the adjective “cute” which belongs to emotional intelligence and boys are familiar with the adjective “smart” which belong to logical intelligence. Baby girls usually like to play the game with emotions like playing with dolls, playing drama, when becoming older they like the work of caring for people. These are the reasons that the emotional intelligence of girls formed earlier than boys do.On the others hand, boys are different. In the ancient environment: men hunted, built houses and fought. Therefore, men need broad coverage, fast and accurate action with strength. The intelligence optimal for men roles and functions is logical and spacing, and reasoning intelligence. Most boys form IQ, logic, reasoning earlier than girls do. The most favorite games of boys are matching, fixing, repairing and playing number games, which require logical thinking. This is the reason why modern scientists, engineers, IT, mathematicians are mostly men. In boys, the development of logical thinking during the first year of childhood is the most prioritized. Emotional intelligence is not optimal for the roles of men so that emotional intelligence can develop later.

A team of researchers led by psychologist Stuart Ritchie, a date of an ongoing, long-term biomedical study of people living in the United Kingdom with 500,000 enrollees. Researchers found that women tended to have significantly thicker cortices than men have. Thicker cortices have been associated with higher scores on a variety of cognitive and general intelligence tests. Meanwhile, men had higher brain volumes than women in every subcortical region they looked at, including the hippocampus (which plays broad roles in memory and spatial awareness), the amygdala (emotions, memory, and decision-making), striatum (learning, inhibition, and reward processing), and thalamus (processing and relaying sensory information to other parts of the brain).The problem begins to happen to the small young boys, who have logical intelligence, spatial intelligence and do not have emotional intelligence, live in stressful condition. These young boys lack love, lack of connection and have to bear the stress, conflict of the environment in the early stages of life. Because of sexual instinct, girls have the opportunity to develop emotional intelligence earlier than boys do, so they have the ability to resolve the conflict, calm stress so that, to some extent, stress or conflict does not harm them at the earlier stage of life. Otherwise, the earlier development of logical intelligence and spatial intelligence does not help many baby boys in dealing with stress; in a stressful environment, boys tend to fall into extreme stress. Owning for the difference in the instinct of gender, girls do not fall into the state of severe stress as most boys do. Only a small difference, formed earlier, have helped girls become more prominent than boys in combating autism.The habit of autistic children perhaps is the evidence that boys have formed the intelligence of space and logic before affecting autism. This logic and space intelligence have been showed when autistic children play; many autistic boys turn his gaze on cubic things; they like to put, match cubic things in stack or sequences. I wonder if the intelligence of the baby boys has any relation with the intelligence of their parents.
The difference created by emotional intelligence between boys and girls in dealing with stress may obviously found in the two situations of conversation. If given a task for a female comedian to ask her professor for letting her retakes the exam because of the bad result. Simultaneously, if giving a task for a male engineer to ask his professor for letting him retakes the exam because of the bad result. We will see many of the differences on their faces, the atmosphere of conversation, and the quality of conversations. The female comedian is more open-minded, more flexible than the male engineer is. The first conversation is flexible full of smiling, cheerfulness, and relaxation; the conversation is very interesting. In reverse, the second conversation is rigid with full of anxiety, rigidity, stress, a lot of mumbling; the second conversation is so stressful boring. The first conversation both people are relaxed, the unconscious mind detect the signal of safe and happy; the happy state is activated, so both people are happy, more open to talking. The positive energy of the first conversation creates a good result that satisfies both people in a natural way. On the other hand, the male engineer’s behaviors are so rigid that the conversation may make him have the feeling of stress, anxiety, boring and misery during the second conversation. These signals are caught by the subconscious mind of the professor so that it makes the professor in the state of alert; these alert signals also be caught by the engineer man. Both men in the state of a little stress, people can feel reserved and closed signals. The answer engineer man gets tend to fit with the atmosphere of conversation. The difference in EQ in both intelligent individuals can make different results in social life. Perhaps, these differences accumulating with time is the most contribution to create outliers.If look close to autistic children or children with other mental problems, we can see they are nervous, panic, startled, frightened and paralyzed and apathetic to many things in the environment. The nervous system of autistic children is not fully developed. First few years of life is precious time for children to complete the brain and nervous system. They need emotional materials from the interaction, from love, from the adoring eyes of loved ones, from cuddling, patting, from the warmth of hugs and many social behaviors to perfect the development of the immature brain. Moreover, there is always tensions and stress in the stage of developing the immature brain. That leads to the formation of the brain with many dysfunctional functions. Researchers have seen individuals with autism tend to use different areas of the brain to perform mobility tasks compared to normal groups.There are no same specific signals and symptoms in every autistic child. Autism is a disorder of the whole body system, evolving over time and constantly interacting with many factors from the environment. As a result, people use a rainbow ring as a symbol to describe the diversity of autism.How about the young babies left in the jungle, adopted by animals? These babies lack connection with human beings, lack of support for physical development, lack of love from parents so they lack social human skills. To some extent, they get a close connection, love, and care for wild animals. Through the imitation and the influence of the living condition, these children have learned some survival skills, which help them overcome the problems in wildlife. Living with the wild animals, these children have conditioned with the responses of these wild animals. The repeated responses in babies by the influence of the environment of living created the animal habits in the babies adopted by animals. From the adopted habits, repeated many times, the individuals will have specific adopted animal characters. These animal characters make them very difficult to live with other human beings.By experimental in mice, we can see these effects of lacking love, connection and excessive stress on the development of animals during the early stage of life. If the mouse is isolated and put in the over-stressful state by shocking at the early stage of life, we will get an autistic mouse. If the mouse is not isolated and being over-stressful, we will get a mouse with some of the side effect symptoms of stress described in table three. If the mouse is isolated from the early stage of life and not being stressful, it will be very difficult for the mouse to join in the normal activity with others mice because of lacking the interaction skills. These are also the problem with the animals in the zoo, the tamed animals; if we free these mature animals into the jungle, they will die soon because of lacking vital skills for survival and connection with other animals. If my guessing is right, this will be evidence of real problems in our modern society. Infants and young babies are the first victims of the problems.This can be a curse to our future generation who belongs too much to machines, artificially intelligent and robots, technology devices and living in the environment with lack of love, lack intimate action and lack human connection and lack of support. The new conditions of living from now on will entirely different to any conditions in the previous history. The new condition has conditioned the new responses, new skills for our future generations. Unfortunately, these new responses are not helpful for us to cope with stress. In fact, the conditioned responses children adopted from the condition of living make them more stress with the stressful environment and diminish the ability to learn new vital skills. Lacking vitals skills lead them to be more stressful; in return, the stress worsens the ability to learn vital skills. Gradually, the combination of a stressful environment and lacking social skills create many problems for personal, family and society. To this point, we can see autistic children have lost their emotions and defect in brains. Most autistic children have a less emotional expression, no attention to the emotions of the opposite person when interacting. So the brain affected, losing the function of the normal brain. If late in realizing the problems with children, it will be very difficult to help autistic children because the brain has already completed the basic development. The brain of autistic children lacks normal structures, the normal connection between the parts of the brain compared to the normal brain. Treatment by the specialist is very difficult, expensive and not much effective if not taking the roots of problems. Many accompanying symptoms in autistic children are treatable with some medicines. The most effective way is parents and adults can check themselves and their kids with the symptoms of overstress chemicals described in table three: “the most symptoms of stress that we can find in many patients”. If yes, they can make the intervention as quickly as possible with these real causes.

I have taken the time to practice compassion with the feelings of any children I met who are punished severely by their children. Especially the children when their parents are quarreling. Sometimes I cannot stand the ten minutes in places of those children with the pain, fear, and injury they are bearing. Their parents dive into personal anger and stress so blindly that they do not pay any attention to their children who are extremely fearful and stressful. Furthermore, the conflicts make them less talking, less chatting, less making love action, less caring, less direct talking, and less interacting to soothe the stress of the child. The stress and pain they are bearing lead them to lack of interesting to studying, lack of supporting and lack of vital skills. These are the first step in endless circles of stress that they have to bear.In my mind, the overreacting, rebelling, indifferent responding, screaming and shouting with the anger of some children are not the intentional behaviors; they are the conditioned action as the responses to the stressful condition. They fall into the stressed state because of their wrong perceiving thoughts, their wrong perceiving opinions from the environment; and their overreactions to the environment. These kids are the individuals that need the love, connection, compassion, understanding and patience from their parents the most. Please do not hurt them anymore.

Remember the moment you have a feeling of insecurity, anxiety, and fear when you are in a strange environment, difficult situations, and dangerous situations. How much love, how much support and how much caring, do you need in those situations? The autistic children have badly experienced the insecurity, anxiety, fear and extreme stress in early-stage life. The feeling of pain and insecure make children not only lost the enthusiasm, and refuse to learn new skills; but also make the results of learning is terrible. The children getting severe stress in the early stage of life lack a lot of essential skills for social interaction. The lacking of vital social skills makes them afraid of coming to the new crowd, new environment, and new places. The autistic children mostly separated from nature and human interaction by the inadvertent or deliberate blind love of their parents; the isolation makes the children have less chance and less enthusiasm for learning social skills which leads to abnormalities in the mind and brain of the autistic children. The children lack some vital skills for social interaction. The lacking makes the child hesitate, afraid to interact with strangers, afraid the crowd; feel unsafe, unprotected in the condition need interacting. They seek security, safety by living alone.Sometimes, when kids hunger for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, they act in different or abnormal ways to satisfy the hunger. Parents and adults usually misinterpret these abnormal behaviors as the behaviors of spoilt children. They may disappointed and angry; even worse, parents may use violence to punish their children violently. The punishment of parents can make children so afraid that they stop the abnormal behaviors; but the hunger, cause of unwanted behaviors, is still in the children, furthermore, the punishment of parents can lead to severe stress for their children. I have heard many stories of naughty children transformed into good and talent ones by the love, the care for of parents or teachers; who have the empathy with the children and can sense the deep need of children. They use loving and caring action, compassion, patience, and respect to nurture the hidden talents of naughty children.Medications can relieve the symptoms, but cannot cure autism. Some researchers have figured out some ways to relieving the symptoms:Some researchers have injected autistic mice with oxytocin, and they found oxytocin has some good effects on autistic mice. They think of carrying out more researches to find a way to apply oxytocin to treat autistic children in the future. As we know, oxytocin is a natural hormone appears when people make close contact: make love, have sex, kiss, hug, playing between parents and children, and breastfeeding. These intimacy activities help create oxytocin in both parents and autistic children; which helps them feel more inspired and happy to overcome the stress. When the mothers give birth, oxytocin released in the highest peak. If mothers do not have much close contact with the children; do not make love and get affection from fathers, all parents and their children will be lack of oxytocin, this leads to lack of joy and happiness in family life and makes stress for all members. Some mothers are so stressful after giving birth that they may get depressed. Mothers and children in the family are the early victim of stress in the family. If test them with the question of the symptoms in table three, we will know how much stress they are.

Some experts found that pets: dogs, cats, parrots can relieve symptoms in autistic kids. In fact, dogs, cats, parrots are emotional animals. I think pets create a little feeling of being loved, being cared for, being wanted for autistic children so that they can relieve the symptoms in autistic kids. In fact, these feelings so little compare to the feeling that parents can give to them.

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln

These may be the sharing of the most successful people who have a happy childhood, their mother or father may not have a college education, but they may have their Ph.D. in parenting.These are the evidence show that the most effective way to help autistic children is eliminating the stress in children by the unconditional love, the connection, the caring of parents and family members. Infants, especially autistic children need much more love and connection by more hug, more intimacy talk, more talk eye to eye, more kiss, more skin contact, more caring, affection actions, more contact with other people. Parents can massage children more regular; help children exposing to nature more often, and make children happy by creating a peaceful and happy environment of living. When the children become older, if they may be more stressful because the four causes lack love, lack of connection, lack of vital skills for interaction and live in the stressful environment; they will get many other health problems or diseases. The seriousness of problems depends on the seriousness of stress, the lack of connection, the lack of love and the lack of social skills. They may get the diseases in the category of top ten diseases or the top ten causes of death in every country in the world.

The brain is the most important organ in the body: accounts for 3% of body weight but consumes 20% of the body’s energy. The quality of the brain determines the quality of mind or thinking. And the food of thinking is ideas. What is the food you feed the mind of you, your spouse, and kids every day?How and What effect if kids suffer silently long-term stress. They will never learn all their social skills to live well in society. English, Vietnamese, walking, driving, skating, talking, discussing is never easy at all to learn. but kids in happy and suitable support can have all of this and make it as the kids’ instinct, Belief that all do not know. But these skills will be very difficult to learn. Golden time for forming the brain and learning may be lost. They may live under stress for years. Who else may be lack of social skill or EQ? The advantage of living may make the disadvantage of thinking and abilities.The brain is the most important organ in the body: accounts for 3% of body weight but consumes 20% of the body’s energy. Any small defect in the brain can make mental and physical health in poor quality.The quality of the brain determines the quality of mind or thinking. And the food of thinking is ideas. What is the food you feed the mind of you, spouse, and kids every day?The mind is irrational, AI cannot create the human mind, because of its irrationality. Why scientists, statistic try to put the mind and mind function in the diagram, number, and equation?The mind is different from bacteria, gut, stomach, bone, tissue. The first is Irrational, the second one is logical. So the same problems with the second ones can be treated with the same pills but in the first one.The mind is irrational, so that who sense the most, feel the most can understand and control the mind. They are leaders, religious leaders, artists, composers, educators, and philosophers. The ones understand least maybe scientists and statistics, they try to rationalize the mind.The Time of mind is the time of creativity, time of irrationality, and time of illogic. Maybe the fearful time for the logical ones: scientists, statistics, autistic, ADHD, depressive ones, and mentally ill ones.Maybe this is proof that we are wrong when trying to logic the mind, and mind characters in to same pills, rigid protocols, without compassion and understanding: economic soaring, pharmaceutical industry soaring, standard of living is highest, But the number of people commits suicide, homicide, gunfire, taking mental medication, taking all other medications are soaring also, problems in family, school, society, world are soaring also. With a logical mind and number, we will never know what is happening.Maybe this is proof that we are wrong when trying to logic the mind, and mind characters in to same pills, rigid protocols, without listening and understanding: economic soaring, pharmaceutical industry soaring, standard of living is the highest ever, But the number of people commits suicide, homicide, gunfire, taking mental medication, taking all other medications are soaring also, problems in family, school, society, world are soaring also. With a logical mind and logic number, we will never know what is happening.