Love is a verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?
Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful weLove is the action. It means when you love someone. You should put heart in the action you do for your lovers. Love is serving with heart. We have to learn the love of Jesus, Buddha and Mother Teresa. They have real love; they love people without any expectation, which called the unconditional love. When a man loves a woman, he has love in all actions like serving, caring, flirting, making the surprise, helping, motivating, sharing, respecting. Real love no need of return.
Mother Teresa did not demand anything when helping the one needed help. From caring, helping she gained the greatest joy and happiness than any bodies else. With love, everything was the marvel to her; she found joy and happiness in everything, the power of love so great that she created the greatest legacy with little resources. Love is action, a man in love find joy and happiness in any actions they do for their lover. He finds happiness in responsibility also. We can easily imagine a man in happiness in every action, he is dancing, jumping, smiling, cheering, singing, walking and opening all. The individual in love never think of doing any harm to the lover. Observer can easily see the pattern of happiness in the action of a man in love. Mother loves her child unconditionally; she can sacrifice her life to save her child in danger. Her love is immeasurable. A girl does not need to see ask advice to know if he loves her, just finding is the happiness in him when staying with you, when do with you. He is controlled by highest emotion so that he can do many silly things. If he loves you, play with you with too much consciousness, perhaps he does not love you enough.If people in love but expect in return: “I serve her, I care for her, I give her flower. In return, I want her to do good to me. She does not do good to me, it makes me a little bit sad.” Hold on, she does not do good back to you, and you said. You see, love with expecting is like exchanging. It is not loved. Expecting can kill your love. With expectation, you do thing consciously, you are pulling out of a moment of action to the expectation. It makes the action unnaturally. If you receive less than expectation, you can become angry, you can harm her.The fact is, love with expectation mean “I love myself” not “I love her”. It is a selfish love, greedy love. People misunderstand that they love themselves but they think they love others. Sometimes they think they do good action in love as a sacrifice. The greedy love can hurt for both. Love that is still clinging, giving but still looking forward to receiving, waiting for returning is the love of selfish person; it is not generous love to other, but the selfish love to themselves. The selfish love makes people feel pain or hard in the action. When making the action of love instead of finding happiness as the unconditional love, they find pain, hard work or even misery. It looks like an exchanging in the relationship. With unconditional love or real love, people find happiness, joy and energy in action for both doer and receiver. On the other hand, with selfish love, to some extent, people find misery, pain and exhausted in action. Selfish love can create misery or stress for both people. So that if a girl read any signs caused by happiness chemical from a man when he thinks or dates with her, it means he likes or loves her; because he is doing the things that he loves the most. The belief deep inside harmony with the outside action to create the action, he finds happiness. If a girl can find any signs of stress chemical from a man when he is dating or doing kind work to her, it means that he finds stress in action, deep belief inside contradict with outside activities. He has to use conscious mind alone to take action, it is exhausted, overworked, some time can make him stress. The experienced people can see the pretending smile from him, or have the gut feelings when hearing he laughs.
People tell lies to have the stress signal also. Observe ordinary people telling lies, we can find the embarrassing behaviors from them. The unconscious mind detects the mind bad consequences from the lying, so it creates the signal of a little stress. People telling lie do not have eye contact, do not see direct eye to eye, the pupil shrinks, tension muscle, up the heartbeat, sweating and many other symptoms of stress, so that the words are not naturally. The degree of symptoms stress may vary a lot from people to people. The experienced individual can have the feeling of chill or gut feeling if he sees a man telling lies, which may lead to serious consequences, without any stress signal on the face, voice or gestures and without the signal of emotion. The experienced man will pay special attention to him.Parents also need unconditional love for their children. The conditional love express: “parents love you so you need to do this”, and “parents love you so you need to do that to make parents happy.” to make your parents happy; otherwise, children will be fined, beaten, burned books, torn clothes if the children do not obey the order of parents and adults. Look closely, they are invisible braces that splint the arms and legs of their children. Selfish parents make children eat, work and study without any passion, no curiosity, and no excitement. They just follow the instructions of adults. Kids are like the puppets of their parents; parents use love, orders, rewards, punishments, and emotion to control the puppets. Sadly, in Vietnam, the kids have many splints from their adults like grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and teachers; who are so blindly violating the basic need of freedom of the kids; the need of freedom they forget that they also ask for and complain all day at work, clubs, and in society because of lacking freedom. We use love as splints to splint the two legs, the two hands and the behaviors of our children unconsciously. Interfere the kids’ behaviors by their parents may create passive children; because parents dictate the children what to do and what not to do because of their love; kids rarely make anything by themselves so that they are very self-deprecatory, low self-esteem. Kids never have a sense of conquest, of victory to proud of, they get everything done by their parents. The blind love of parents take all the chance for hands, legs, eyes, ears, and head to do its job; parents repeatedly serving for their children to satisfy unwanted needs of their children; they unconsciously spoilt their children. Kids grow up in the environment where everything is ready-made by parents not only lack the skills but also have much more wants, desires than normal kids. When the desires are not satisfied, kids become angry with screaming, shouting, rebelling to ask for things they want. Time after time, parents with selfish love blindly create the bad habits of their kid’s many desires, anger, and ignorance; these are the causes of misery.Lao Tzu taught “instructions without interference”. We as parents should draw out the destinations, expectations, visions, with the principle and values, then use love and patience to encourage our children and let them do their own. Our love and support are good enough for the kids feel safe to take more challenge in life. Our children will surprise us with their creativity and ingenuity. The temperaments like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, initiative and proud from victory created by the process of working. Do not love your children so blindly that make tired, harmful to children and related individuals.Stephen Covey taught about how to heal the relationship in the family for a husband: “love her” “But I do not love her anymore” “Dear friend, you are wrong, love is a verb; love is action, not emotion. People are in love have passionate action for the one they love”. “so if you have to love her to heal relationship, you have to take numerous action to care for her: making her surprised, taking care of her, picking her up, dating with her, taking care the children for her, helping her the housework. Many think you can do if you really want to relive the love. Do it unconditionally.”With children having problems need the unconditional love from their parents the most to repair the problems inside. They are need guiding without interfering with their parents when they have done the work, they feel proud and confident from inside. The children having the problem already have the problem so that parents should not expect too much from them. The unsatisfied expectation can make parents anger and hurt, which in return will hurt the children. Love your kids without condition; welcome all the good things and bad things to your children, celebrate with them, guiding without interfering, give support to make kids feel safe enough to take more action, to make changes and corrections if needed. Especially the children with a mental problem, who are in stress, need so much love, connection and support from parents to have the feeling of happiness. The happiness and the chemical of happiness secreting in the brain and body is the best cure for mental problems. When taking action of love, practice three things: simplicity, patience, and compassion.