“Greed, anger and ignorant, Redefine of happiness, what is the heaven look like? The new way of thinking let us know and treat ADHD, Autism, Depression and Suicide, Homicide, Gunfire, and autoimmune diseases, all social problems and mental problems. And what are the hidden causes?”
AWAKEN YOU WONDERFUL WE1. Summary:Sorry, if only when you make us understand and solve the ADHD, Autism, Depression, suicide, health problems and mental problems by your ideas”Good kids, good people stuck on these problems or commit suicide in the ignorant stressful environment because of their Goodness, Consideration, and Helplessness.”The world is spending half of it money: $ thousand billion on buying the weapon for finding safety, certainty or peace. Then they spend $ thousand billion on medicine, luxury products, cars, villas for find the feeling of significance, recognition, importance, and they spend other $ trillions on medication, the drug with the hope of sleeping well, relaxing, relieving, and enjoying the artificial comfort and happiness?A stress moment can kill a student.
A stress moment can kill a banker
A stress moment can kill a CEO
A stress moment can kill a politicianThey are strong but the severe stress moment can have an effect all their life. It embeds in their brain, cell, an organ that we do not consciously know but the subconscious mind know that moment: smell, sound, noise, invisible signal then create the conditioned responses to it. You see: Soldiers in ended 1950 are still under stress with any mild similar unwanted triggers.Language, religions, accents, belief, behaviors, rituals, religions and funeral religions are the conditioned responses: you, your friend and partners have big differences in these: Will you dare to try to change with other people to enjoy their belief, rituals, and religions. Even the name of you and your dogs are results of Conditioned responses with languages. You like all of these because you have been conditioned, not you like and chose these. The processes of conditioning are so well and silently that you may think you have the separation. You may die or sacrifice for the adopted assumption, belief, and religions. People are so ignorant that people in one family, community, region, district, class, city, countries are fighting for the changing opinions.
“No disabilities, no mental illness, no murderer are born. Only healthy babies, all doctors, physicians, and medical test said that. Only angel babies are born, all parents, adults said that”ButThey are living in stress, eating in fear, sleeping in anxiety, playing in the boring safe side, wearing luxury clothes in discontentment, studying with pressure and anxiety, getting life-saving vaccination hysterically, and sexing with contempt. They never find real joy, happiness. They are hysterical.The world is stress, the world is hysterical; stressed stomach stressed mind, stressed the heart, stressed organs, stressed organization, stressed nation and stressed world. All the celebration days of human problems should be put on the same day is Stress Day.Chronic Stress people may get the serious side effect of Stress chemicals. List all the effect of stress chemical on the body from any medical book, we will understand the effect of the stress on the body.When people get anger or stress: nor-epinephrine flushes on the body. It can change the size of the pupil in the eyes. Moreover, reading the effect of the adrenalin, norepinephrine, and dopamine to the whole body in any medical books we will understand the emotion and thinking of people: stress, joy, anxiety, depress or happiness. When people can sense the changes in the body with these chemicals- it called Gut Feeling: tighten muscles, throbbing in head muscle, sweating or chill. It is GUT FEELINGS.
It is there even we consciously know it or not: conditioned response or hysterical conditioned responses. How about the fragile kid who is forming the brain in stress. Best of all is calm the stressed mind down by 1. Unconditional love: 2. Connection: people, animal, nature, parents;3. Unstressed environment: happy, warm, cheering; then make them have 4. Ability to deal with facts of life – the fact that some people may think is a big threat, problems, or danger, for example, ” being sad NO, some kid may anger and stress to rebel.The variation of these for factors and the combination of them are the answer to most problems that scientists do not pay attention:- In ADHD, Autism: boy much more than girls because Girls from the instinct are more cute, more communicable than boys.- ADHD, Autism in the city is significantly higher than in the countryside, even the city has a better standard of living, eating,.. but they lack connection, freely play, learn from nature and other kids. Children have more abilities to adapt to stress than in the city. But they got another stress, problems.- Dogs, cats can create contact with kids and help autistic kids- Scientists see that Oxytocin can help the autistic child, they are doing more research to carry it on the autistic child in the future. – Children in the orphanage may have enough food, protection, and less stress but they lack love, intimate connection with parents so most of them have problems with social skills.- Because of stress, lacking skill, if wrong and poor intervention, kids may develop many other diseases: depression, psychotic problems. That we do not know why!
– How strong, successful millionaires commit suicide. If society put on them the pressure of work, the burden of losing $ 10 million contracts; then treat them with hate, contempt, angry of the spouse, the indifference of relatives, and stress from boring stressful work. Or they may have discontented mind, they bear the stress alone. They chose drugs, addiction, alcohol, suicide as the way of escaping.- The variation of these parts plus with the right intervention makes the varieties in the outcomes or the rainbow of Autism.- They are in stress; they over-react with small minor stimulator as the most adults, students, parents, leaders, and Ceo react in when they are in pressure, stress: breaking, kicking, shouting, rebelling, or killing. If late to help them, they got more other problems in health, mental: depression.Trust the educators, Kids can learn all difficult things, master difficult skills: walking, talking English, talking Chinese, Japanese, riding, and countless skill that even a monkey can do that we can call Genius monkey.How much need children love can be seen in these videos on Youtube: reactions of the baby kid when parents come home.They love parents crazily but the parent may hurt them indirectly or directly, accidentally or intentionally. How and why belong to the character of the mind: the elusive mind, ignorant mind.It is useless to use countless medication to cure stress symptoms but still let the patient live in a stressful environment. Astonishingly, doctors said they are chronic diseases and the patients have to use the medication in their lifetime. Bright sides are many alternative therapies seem to be effective in curing these chronic diseases. What, Why, and How these therapies seem to be effective will find out in the books. Simple breathing meditation helps children better than medication in ADHD and Autism. Father said the day autistic child happy he will less overreact than the stressful day.
Really help with meditation, it calms the mind, brings the mind to the body. Live in mindfulness by simple breath. Daniel Goleman the author of Emotional intelligence has told the story of applying simple breathing meditation in elementary school in chaos areas. It works.
When you nervous, anxiety, people usually advise you to calm down and breath in slowly, deeply.How to start:Observe the body when breathing in and out. Or stick a small object on the lower abdomen near then let the kid breath in and breath out with observing the moving. This kind of breath brings the mind of a kid back to the present. Kids do not have to live with the fear or stress of the past or future. When the mind at peace with the body, the good chemicals flush the brain and repair the defect in the brain. Zen masters are the mind master. Third stress chemical is cortisone: to prepare the energy in glucose, high energy ready in the body for fight and flight, it reduces the function of immune system and all other organs: chronic stress may be exhausted the body and impair the organ. Connect all effects, and the side effect of cortisone, epinephrine, and nor-epinephrine are described well in pharmacology books, so list them all down, it is the symptoms of stress people. In psychology they overreact, want to be alone, and have abnormal behavior: it is the instinct of the weak in the stressful environment in the hope of find out safety for the self.By Observing, parents can know the early symptoms or pattern of stress, un-safety in children since they are one week, one month or two-month-old or three months old babies to predict the problems they get: ADHD, Autism, or hysterical anxiety: a stranger come to your home, only your baby alone, you have to go to the party: you will fear, overreact and do not want to eat at all. Or put a glass cage of snake in the corner of your child’s bed, you may sleep in stress, fear, screaming or overreact. Even you know that the cage is 100% safe.The family is the only place where the enemies sleep shares the same bed. But all will sleep with the stress hormones, very tired, terrible sleep: because they do not find trust or safety from the partner. It is devastating to both wife and husband. But the baby bears it all: the infant with a fragile, sensible brain. The immature brain is forming under stress.UNFORTUNATELY, THE LEVEL OF STRESS IN THE MIND IS UNLIMITED, BUT THE PREPARE OF THE PHYSICAL BODY IS LIMITED.When the blood pressure high, glucose high, the organ may send the feedback signal for the brain to stop secreting hormones. The brain still wants to raise the preparation of the body to a higher level to prepare for fight and flight. The brain may see other organs as the strange preventers. The immune system starts to attack its own organs ignorantly but selectively. Autoimmune diseases may start. Only the beta cell pancreas be destroyed by immunes system.Other strange, could not understand the mechanism of the autoimmune system: why it only attack ignorantly or intelligently attack one kind of cell, and let the nearby cell un-touch.
– Dopamine: when you get a goal, finish a task, achieve a purpose, finish a job, win the lottery: gambling, betting. Get hits, like or good comment on Facebook, Get good grade. There are changes in the eye when people joy because of dopamine: when you find a big bargain in a buying, your purple widen. Excessive dopamine can increase the heartbeat, shaking or collapsing. The visible signs effects and side effects of dopamine on the body are listed on all pharmacology books.- Endorphin: reduce pain, stiffness, when you work hard, you will feel very little pain at all. – Serotonin: comes when you get close contact: skin to skin, kiss, hugs, embracing, intimating acts. Or the feeling of belonging and significance. Dogs can make the owner have this feeling. When doing good, kind, and helping others. An act of goodness benefits the doer, the receiver and the watcher.
Dopamine and Serotonin is the chemical that all psychic medication used to increase in patients. All medications cure depression aim at this.These chemicals can be secreted in the body of all the ones if they are observing, receiving, or taking good actions. It is related to the energy of the living environment, not much relate to the standard of living.Victims are Pain inside out, stress inside out. Living with some people may worsen than dying. All perceptions are relative, but they may choose accidentally or consciously the negative ones. Some conditioned choose the negative side. Sorry, some of them choose to commit suicide.Worst of all: most victims are good people. Rarely prisoners commit suicide. They become the victims mainly because of their goodness, considerate for others, and helplessness.
- Seasonal stress in the developed world
The months of less stress in all developed countries is the summer holiday.
During the summer holiday, children may not suffer much stress and boring at school from the study and test. They have time to go out and play. During this time, the rate of injuries is increased and teenage death is higher than other months.
Also, do adults arrange free time same as school summer holiday for the whole family to go somewhere for holiday? The words relating to stress like “pain, anxiety, stress, depression, and fatigue” searched on the internet from the United States drop substantially during national holiday and summer holiday.
During the summer month, people suffer the least stress to the rate of deaths per 100000 people reduced substantially in every country compared with other months.
Look at the mortality % of yearly average in the countries: United States, Japan, Italy, France, Spain, Canada, Australia, Sweden, Greece, New Zealand, and Cyprus. Low in the summer holiday, the rise during autumn and get a peak in the winter then go down in spring.The pattern of the monthly death of the group one: United States, Japan, Italy, France, Spain, Canada, Sweden, Greece, and Cyprus have nearly the same pattern of fluctuation of monthly deaths because they have the same summer vacation time around June to September. The death rate around these months: June to September is lowest in the years.Luckily, the low stress in the summer vacation can affect the death rate by comparing the monthly death rate of group one with group two. In group two: Australian and New Zealand, they have the same pattern of death rate, but both countries have the opposite pattern of monthly death rate compared with group one. It is because the time of summer vacation of Australian and New Zealand is from the end of December to March. So that the death rate from December to March is lowest in the year, and the death rate from May to September is the highest in the year. The pattern of the monthly death rate of these developed countries and the death rate and injury rate during the summer vacation tell us a lot about the pattern of stress in human society. It is the seasonal stress. Furthermore, the peaks of death, the suicide rate in America and all other developed countries are in the spring and autumn. These times are the times of important examination of students in schools and universities around the developed world. The important fact is all the previous researchers have failed to indicate the correlations of temperature, wealthy, longevity, the standard of living, geographic factors with the fluctuation of death rate around the year. Does formal education is putting stress on children and stress on society is still an open question needed to answer in the future. Young people committed suicide account for a big portion of the suicidal number. Do these young people stress with the old education, money and reward culture? Recording of the death rate in the last ten centuries in Europe shows that from 1000 to 1600, the death rate of summer, spring, and fall was always higher than the death rate of winter. Until the seventeenth centuries – the time of the first industrial revolution – the death rate of winter started to over the death rate of summer, spring, and winter. Do formal education and lifestyle living of industrialization have any contribution to the monthly death rate? There is a high number of people fail in the attempt of committing suicide. However, with the popularity of using guns in some countries, the percentage failing in committing suicide by using a gun to commit suicide is very rare. According to the article “Gun control could save veterans’ lives” of Perry Stein in Newrepublic.com, in 2006, the Israeli Defense Forces made a relatively simple policy change that required soldiers to leave their weapons at their bases when they headed home for the weekend. The result: a staggering 40 percent drop in the suicide rate among soldiers aged 18-21, according to a November 2010 study.
“All in one, one in all” normally, if the young kid stressed from problems arisen from family, school, society, and friend, parents and other will invisibly fall to stress too. Stress will degrade the health of all people day after day. Cancer and stress from the discontented mind in the United States.
Seasonal stressLook at the geographic distribution of wealth, health, hygiene, social problems, health problems, mental problems in America, we will understand the illogical pattern of stress caused by the mind and condition living that effect to human beings. The distribution of “food environment index” and “severe house problems” do not match with the mental problems, health problems, social problems, and teenage problems mean that mean stress and mental state do not have the direct correlation to the quality of food, eating, and physical living as most people assumed.Stress month of America is the January and February because it is the time to pay the debt on credit card: the highest death rate and heart diseases. The financial burden is so heavy for them because they have overspent on the shopping season and Black Friday before Christmas and New Year.
- The hidden correlation
- There is always the correlation between all events happened to people, society, countries, and the world. The name of events, the description of the events, and the characters of events may not the same, but they all bear the same pattern. The pattern comes from the quality of the interaction of all creatures, beings, and elements in it. There are no single separate people, self and, ego, and beings. The world is interdependent. We are inter-beings. The quality of our life depends on the quality of life and the quality of all people despite that we cognitively know about their existence or not. The world is mysteriously interdependent, the virtues, pace of nature, Tao, and principles are the hidden laws control the interdependent world; these are the core in the teachers of all great philosophers, great religious leaders, and great educators. Each time, people commit cheating, violating virtues, or doing against principles, they may do not cognitively care about the behaviors. But their potential mind can sense the smell, sound, and images of danger or non-safety. Each time they commit mistakes, their unconscious mind will sense the threatening, which destroy the satisfaction of their basic needs, they make their mind fall to the more and more state of stress. All the luxury covers, wealthy cannot compensate for the weakness inside, cannot be satisfied with the hunger inside of beings. The more they neglect, the bigger the stressed mind. The mind may be stressed because it understands the effects of the bad actions but it cannot send the message to the cognitive mind, cannot create gut feelings strong enough to catch the notice of cognitive mind, and it cannot stop the countless bad actions… Until no one can help them.
- Time to create heaven on earth
Their heavenly earth has suffered enough by the stupid of human beings. There are enough pain and miseries caused by greedy, lust, hatred, anger and ignorance of human being. And human beings are suffering the problems they have created. The illusion of faraway heaven makes people so blind that they have created countless problems on earth with the blind thought that they will be welcome in heaven.How many percents of the population will come to heaven after death? No one can answer, even religious leaders.What will happen if one million people in a population of seven billion people will go to heaven after death? Just imagine that we will still have the same thinking, belief, and ego as we are now praying or making worship when we live in heaven, next to God and Holy Spirits form our ancestors. We may live happily all day, not worrying, not doing, not laboring, just enjoying with the immense supply and protection from God and Holy Spirits. Oh no, we will make heaven become hell.How do I say that? Please answer this question: what are the characters of God, Holy Spirits in heaven? Presume that they exist; will they have the characters as we usually think they have like other human beings as we usually see on the television or as the myths in the religious books? No, these assumptive characters in myths and films are not Holy Spirits because they still have greed, anger, and ignorance. If they have a small part of these ill characters, how fast will heaven become hell? Because with greed, they start to accumulate and possess all things: the bowls they use, the chairs they sit, the houses they sleep, the car they drive, the planet they live in, or even the whole universe. Million people come to heaven will be the big thread of their God and Holy Spirits unless they remove their greed, anger, and ignorance. If removing greed, anger, and ignorance, they can enjoy heaven on earth or they can reach Nirvana on earth. God or Goodness will never make human beings have the power to make other life in misery, never make human being have the power to destroy all other species.From the wrong assumption about the existence of God and Holy Spirits, human beings have created countless miseries, tragedies, destructions and killing on the behalf of their God and Holy Spirits. Some even create hell from heavenly earth with blind thinking that on the behalf of their God, Holy Spirits or Heroes. Some people may convict killing, beating, sacrificing to worship their God and Holy Spirits.Sometimes I wonder where was the God and Holy Spirits? Which sides they stand for in the battles during human wars: American civil car, civil wars, World War I, World War II and millions were between siblings, father and son, this family and that family, people of this commune and people of that commune, people of this region and people of that region, people of this religion and people of that religion, the black and the white, people of North America and people of South America, European American and Native American, the slavers and the owners; Napoleon Bonaparte and his enemies who defend their countries, the creators and the sufferers of tragedies.Are there any people participated in the war, as warmongers and defenders, thought that they are against their common God and Holy Spirits? No, both sides have the belief that their God and Holy Spirits are on their side, so they dare to sacrifice, they do not afraid of dying and killing. Holding Holy objects, God’s images in hand, they are ready to sacrifice to kill others. Even if the soldiers on both sides of war die, they may think these are the noblest death. We are in hands of Satan and gosh but we have the illusion that we are in hands God and Holy Spirits.No, that is nonsense! Human beings have suffered enough from their illusion and ignorance. We should keep our God and Holy Spirits are the creators of our world. God and Holy Spirits are in our head, they create heaven on earth by our human hands. In one action, we create countless invisible phenomena for our society. If the created phenomena are good, we have given hand to create heaven on earth. If the created phenomena are bad, we have given hand to create hell on earth. The marks of good phenomena and bad phenomena, heaven and earth in our countless behaviors of human beings are embed in our brain, mind, spiritual health, mental health, physical appearance, energy, and fingerprint. The countless phenomena are the sources of their radiating energy; which are visible and invisible to the visual threshold; but they all caught by our conscious mind and unconscious mind of all people. All the illuminating of these phenomena operate with the law of cause and effect. Law of cause and effect apply to all people’s behaviors now, from this moment into the future. All results, phenomena in the world are the results of cause and effect that human beings have created.To know how precious we are, how precious our earth is, let see the finding from the scientists in nationalgeographic.com, Scientists analyzing data from NASA’s Kepler Space Telescope report the closest thing yet to another Earth, a world in a habitable orbit around a red dwarf star are some 493 light-years away. It means that if we have aliens or move people to live there. The more scientist search on the living of aliens in space, the more they are disappointed with the finding how lonely human beings are in the universe.If there is the life on the planet that is 493 light years away, human beings use electromagnetic radiation – with the speed of light- to communicate with us on earth in 2017, the message takes 493 years to reach that planet and 493 more years to reach the earth. Only the aliens’ great-great-grandchildren live in 2510 can receive the message we send to them: “Hi friend, M. Alien, I Am Stephen from earth. How are you? 2017_ dates of earth calendar.”Their great-great-grandchildren in 2510 received and replied, then until the year 3003 the message may reach to our great great great grandchildren live on earth: “Hi, Mr. Stephen. We are the great-great-grandchildren live in 2510 responding. Our great-great-grandparents all died. We are their next seven generations, hope to see you soon!”
|One life is too short to create and enjoy the miracles that the chance of being a being.How rare, how precious, how invaluable human beings are!|
We are the creators of our world, we may create heaven or hell on earth for ourselves and all people. Please become awaken! Please become enlightened for the sake you, for the sake of our children and for the sake of the world.I want to end my word about religion with the quotes of human educators:
- “There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is a kindness.” Dalai Lama
- “Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.” Khalil Gibran
- “I believe in the fundamental truth of all great religions of the world.” Mahatma Gandhi
- “Rivers, ponds, lakes, and streams – they all have different names, but they all contain water. Just as religions do – they all contain truths.” Muhammad Ali
- “The major religions, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, they deny somehow that God has a feminine face. However, if you go to the holy texts, you see there is this feminine presence.” Paulo Coelho
- “Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires.” Sigmund Freud
- “The truths of religion are never so well understood as by those who have lost the power of reason.” Voltaire
Here are some useful advice about the techniques; which I usually give to the readers to answer their questions about how to help children with problems.
3. The ten effective ways to help children with problems
Firstly, you should seek advice from specialists before any intervention. They will guide you in the right way. Listen and ask questions to get understanding the basic elements of the instructions the from specialist before applying.Secondly, you should embrace the child and dance, dance in the melodies of fine music with child, kidding with the child to create the laughter. People only laugh when they feel safe, which is the same as the child. Laughing is the most important indicator of happiness. Persistence, compassion, unconditional love, creating peace for the child, making a friend with the child are the keys when playing them with a child. Remember what you do in your childhood you will have the compassion for your child.Still thinking the with the logic of adults will not help you to play with your child. The infant from two months old can understand some sound of the environment, they can understand that parents are talking to them or not. Try to talk as much as possible to your children this month. Try to create meaningless sound, noise, and spell the vowel words to catch the attention of your infant. Try to make the child want to express, eager to express by “uh”, “ah”, raise or move the mouth and smile. Play, talk with your children to recognize as soon as possible the early problems in your infant. If there is any strange signal, unnatural responses or behavioral problems, no need for the intervention of experts, just quiet your mind: by meditating, helping, giving, and letting go, them embrace your child. Embrace the pain, fear, and irritation of your child with love, kindness, and peaceful mind until your child feels peaceful, at ease and smile in your hands. This job only is done well by parents, the love and consideration of parents; husband and wife have to increase as much unconditional love, unconditional support, caring, touching, smiling, kissing as possible to create a warm, happy, supportive environment to save the infant child, mother, and family.
Thirdly, increasing the amount of time for your child to listen to classical music, meditation music is very good for brains, help to calm down the arousing mind. Watching meaningful movies with interesting dialogue and watching humor scripts with good meaning will stimulate the mind of your child with a warm feeling, and the urge to talk. Abandon the wailing films, violent films, and crucial films; these film can infect the mind of your child with negative images, negative feeling, even some child also feel sorrow and imitate bad habit of characters. Care about feeding your mind and your child’s mind.Fourthly, give your child more chances to have more fun, excitement daily. Increase the time nature, other children, animals, and crowd. There are some costs of dirty, scratches, tire, sneezing, runny nose or event mind pain. In fact, no pain no gain. Focus on the huge gain in the future you will gladly welcome this short-term cost. This is the part of the thinking of self-made millionaires; they want their child to experience pain from labor to gain in the future. Some even anger with the safety of their lazy child, because they understand the real facts to create a successful life. They aim at the long-term gain, by principles and visions in the future. If blindly seeing, we see them as selfish parents, but with results in the future, we will realize that they are the smartest parents. They are the master of the art of using pain, gain, love, crucial action, detachment with the ego. When pushing your child to the crowd, if he has signs of insecurity. We should hug, temple his emotion, make him feel safe enough to take the risk of joining. Do not blindly shout at your child and criticize him, which make him feel more unsafe.Fifthly, train yourself to have peace, happiness, love, especially unconditional love before spend most of your time with your child is the best thing you can do for your child. Your state of mind will translate to your child’s mind in many mysterious ways.Sixthly, the child will learn very fast if you make him have the feeling of love, safety, happiness with the skills, or knowledge you want for the child. How many languages the child can speak if his father is American, his mother is Japanese and they live in Vietnam. If getting enough support, your child can g the in admiring achievement. If you have the skill to influence people, you will create more joy for your child with hard work and study. Results depending on the feelings the child has when studying and working. Some children feel of joy, happiness with the studying; and feelings of pain, lose, hurt with gaming, wasting they will study all day without forcing from parents or teachers, and gain a large amount of knowledge from the studying with less labor. On the other hand, some children feel of pain, hurt with the studying; and feelings of joy, delight with gaming, wasting they only can bear one or two hours of studying with the extreme forcing from parents and teachers, they only gain little knowledge from the studying with the huge effort. This is the meaning of relativity; people feel an hour of joy is short as a minute, and an hour of pain as long as a day. We can sense the relativity from your chatting with nice, smart and person and your other chatting with the bossy, stingy, and angry person. It is not only because of you in the feelings you have, but it is also the person with talk to. The person you talk to, beauty or handsome does not relate much to your feeling; all lye in the art of understanding your needs, the art of satisfying your need to create the senses of happiness and joy during the conversation; and the art of controlling temptation to speak, do the things that make you anger or stress. Please pay attention to the art of living when dealing with the child, especially the child you think is naughty. Creating the feeling of love, safety and joy for the staff are the main jobs of leaders and managers in the organization.Seventh is to replace old habits, which associated with comfort for the child, need to thoroughly understand the real causes, then gradually direct the child to other useful habits by the funny process of touching rewards and touching punishment. If there is a child likes to tearing paper, throwing things, cutting the fabric or beating friends; the main reason is that the child misunderstands the action, he associates the action with joy, comfort and does not notice to the pain and the cost he makes. It is a good way that parents can get understand the child, patiently observe the child to get real facts from the action then rendering the art of influencing to help the child.Eighth is to increase the amount and quality of time for your children by talking, crawling, jumping, making noise, hugging and kissing your children with fun and joy. Make your children feel safe and joyful enough that the children start to smile, speak “Gugu gaga”, or senseless words, it is fine because the child only talks when feeling safe and happy. You can mimic your child’s words and actions with the smile to encourage them because these are the actions person in happiness. Sometimes embracing your child and dance with music can help a lot for both of you. Eliminate all things, which may deplete the quantity and quality of time you spend for your children. Remembering the needs, experiences from your childhood will create empathy for your children and make your actions more naturally. if you think that these silly actions can harm your reputation as a successful person, remove the doubt by reading the stories about Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, and many other happy people.Ninth is, a parent can borrow punishment for nasty children. It is fine, but they should pay attention to avoid violent, crucial fines, they should punish in mindfully to have a better understanding and find out other effective solutions. Do not punish because of anger. Considering punishment is the opportunity to increase your emotional account in your children mind. Do not blindly punish your children to satisfy your anger, your ego. Blind punishment, violating the principles can deplete all your emotional bank account in your children. Always smile to break the tension if needed. The misery in life causes by desire, anger, and ignorance. The ignorant child will have a lot of desires; if the desires are not satisfied, the child will be angry or stressful. Most of the rebellion of the child is the fruits of anger; To some extent, the rebellion can help the child calm the stress. If pay attention, parents can understand the unsatisfied need. The punishment the rebellious child with is hard for parents and can stop the unwanted action temporarily. Most of the skillful parents use the unconditional love, patience and compassion remove the root of rebellion; they are skillful in teaching their child to remove the ignorance.Tenthly, have notebooks to write these four things. Divide the notebooks into for parts, There will be invaluable pieces of advice and knowledge and inspiration when have time reviewing these notes. Do not lazy in writing. Do not trust your memory. Use narrative writing, make the writing clearly with 5WH: who, what, when, why and how.A. The good things you do each day. You do to help others, the disable or anyone needed help. Each day does at least three good work, cherish hopes of good for your child to help him have the strength to overcome the problem. The parents of the autistic child can use the good work they do each day to talk to their child. The stories may stimulate the child mind, urge the child want to talk.B. Write down as much as possible the things you are grateful every day. Start to look on the bright side of the problem to write down. People feel wealthy and healthy with a grateful mind. These things may use to talk to your children. C. Write down your events, thoughts, emotions and your actions; which are interesting and need to remember. Especially the thoughts, emotions you have playing with your child. If busy, at least, jot down the facts, the thoughts, and feelings.D. Write down as detail as possible about your children’s development, personality and temperament. The actions, the emotions, and reaction appear before, during and after acting, and if interrupted from outside. These are invaluable knowledge about your children that create understanding. Understanding is very useful for intervention.Completing these notes will create huge joy and happiness for you directly, your children and relatives indirectly.
4. Love is the verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?
Love is the action. It means when you love someone. You should put heart in the action you do for your lovers. Love is serving with heart. We have to learn the love of Jesus, Buddha, and Mother Teresa. They have real love; they love people without any expectation, which called unconditional love. When a man loves a woman, he has love in all actions like serving, caring, flirting, making the surprise, helping, motivating, sharing, respecting. Real love no need of return.Mother Teresa did not demand anything when helping the one needed help. From caring, helping she gained the greatest joy and happiness than any bodies else. With love, everything was the marvel to her; she found joy and happiness in everything, the power of love so great that she created the greatest legacy with little resources. Love is action, a man in love find joy and happiness in any actions they do for their lover. He finds happiness in responsibility also. We can easily imagine a man in happiness in every action, he is dancing, jumping, smiling, cheering, singing, walking and opening. The individual in love never thinks of doing any harm to the lover. The observer can easily see the pattern of happiness in the action of a man in love. Mother loves her child unconditionally; she can sacrifice her life to save her child in danger. Her love is immeasurable. A girl does not need to see ask advice to know if he loves her, just finding is he happy with him when staying with you, when do with you. He is controlled by the highest emotion so that he can do many silly things. If he loves you, play with you with too much consciousness, perhaps he does not love you enough.
If people in love but expect in return: “I serve her, I care for her, I give her flower. In return, I want her to do good to me. She does not do good to me, it makes me a little bit sad.” Hold on, she does not do good back to you, and you said. You see, love with expecting is like exchanging. It is not love. Expecting can kill your love. With expectation, you do thing consciously, you are pulling out of the moment of action to the expectation. It makes the action unnaturally. If you receive less than expectation, you can become angry, you can harm her.The fact is, love with expectation mean “I love myself” not “I love her”. It is a selfish love, greedy love. People misunderstand that they love themselves but they think they love others. Sometimes they think they do good action in love as a sacrifice. The greedy love can hurt for both. Love that is still clinging, giving but still looking forward to receiving, waiting for returning is the love of selfish person; it is not generous love to others, but the selfish love to themselves. The selfish love making people feel pain or hard in the action. When making the action of love instead of finding happiness as the unconditional love, they find pain, hard work or even misery. It looks like an exchanging in a relationship. With unconditional love or real love, people find happiness, joy and energy in action for both doer and receiver. On the other hand, with selfish love, to some extent, people find misery, pain and exhausted in action. Selfish love can create misery or stress for both people. So that if a girl read any signs caused by happiness chemical from a man when he thinks or dates with her, it means he likes or loves her; because he is doing the things that he loves the most. The belief deep inside harmony with the outside action to create the action, he finds happiness. If a girl can find any signs of stress chemical from a man when he is dating or doing kind work to her, it means that he finds stress in action, deep belief inside contradict with outside activities. He has to use a conscious mind alone to take action, it is exhausted, overworked, sometimes can make him stress. The experienced people can see the pretending smile from him, or have the gut feelings when hearing he laughs.People tell lies to have the stress signal also. Observe ordinary people telling lies, we can find the embarrassing behaviors from them. The unconscious mind detects the mind bad consequences from the lying, so it creates the signal of a little stress. People telling lie do not have eye contact, do not see direct eye to eye, the pupil shrinks, tension muscle, up the heartbeat, sweating and many other symptoms of stress, so that the words are not naturally. The degree of symptoms stress may vary a lot from people to people. The experienced individual can have the feeling of chill or gut feeling if he sees a man telling lies, which may lead to serious consequences, without any stress signal on the face, voice or gestures and without the signal of emotion. The experienced man will pay special attention to him.Parents also need unconditional love for their children. The conditional love express: “parents love you so you need to do this”, and “parents love you so you need to do that to make parents happy.” to make your parents happy; otherwise, children will be fined, beaten, burned books, torn clothes if the children do not obey the order of parents and adults. Look closely, they are invisible braces that splint the arms and legs of their children. Selfish parents make children eat, work and study without any passion, no curiosity, and no excitement. They just follow the instructions of adults. Kids are like the puppets of their parents; parents use love, orders, rewards, punishments, and emotion to control the puppets. Sadly, in Vietnam, the kids have many splints from their adults like grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and teachers; who are so blindly violating the basic need of freedom of the kids; the need of freedom they forget that they also ask for and complain all day at work, clubs, and in society because of lacking freedom.We use love as splints to splint the two legs, the two hands and the behaviors of our children unconsciously. Interfere the kids’ behaviors by their parents may create passive children; because parents dictate the children what to do and what not to do because of their love; kids rarely make anything by themselves so that they are very self-deprecatory, low self-esteem. Kids never have a sense of conquest, of victory to proud of, they get everything done by their parents. The blind love of parents take all the chance for hands, legs, eyes, ears, and head to do its job; parents repeatedly serving for their children to satisfy unwanted needs of their children; they unconsciously spoilt their children. Kids grow up in the environment where everything is ready-made by parents not only lack the skills but also have much more wants, desires than normal kids. When the desires are not satisfied, kids become angry with screaming, shouting, rebelling to ask for things they want. Time after time, parents with selfish love blindly create the bad habits of their kid’s many with too many desires, anger, and ignorance; these are the causes of misery.Lao Tzu taught “instructions without interference”. We as parents should draw out the destinations, expectations, visions, with the principle and values, then use love and patience to encourage our children and let them do their own. Our love and support are good enough for the kids feel safe to take more challenge in life. Our children will surprise us with their creativity and ingenuity. The temperaments like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, initiative and proud from victory created by the process of working. Do not love your children so blindly that make tired, harmful to children and related individuals.Stephen Covey taught about how to heal the relationship in the family for a husband: “love her” “But I do not love her anymore” “Dear friend, you are wrong, love is a verb; love is action, not emotion. People are in love have passionate action for the one they love”. “so if you have to love her to heal relationship, you have to take numerous action to care for her: making her surprised, taking care of her, picking her up, dating with her, taking care the children for her, helping her the housework. Many think you can do if you really want to relive the love. Do it unconditionally.”With children having problems need the unconditional love from their parents the most to repair the problems inside. They are need guiding without interfering with their parents when they have done the work, they feel proud and confident from inside. The children having the problem already have the problem so that parents should not expect too much from them. The unsatisfied expectation can make parents anger and hurt, which in return will hurt the children. Love your kids without condition; welcome all the good things and bad things to your children, celebrate with them, guiding without interfering, give support to make kids feel safe enough to take more action, to make changes and corrections if needed. Especially the children with the mental problem, who are in stress, need so much love, connection and support from parents to have the feeling of happiness. The happiness and the chemical of happiness secreting in the brain and body is the best cure for mental problems. When taking action of love, practice three things: simplicity, patience, and compassion.
5. Problem-solving skills: are you learning the root or learning tops? New view
Many people complain that they have a lot of work, backing home with many works. Flooding in work, study, and family, they do not have free time for themselves. They start learning problem-solving skills. Once applied, life seems easier and lighter than before. In fact, if looking back they are still busy or busier than before. What are the real solutions? What are the bottlenecks need removing?Problem-solving skills are taught:After hundreds of blah blah from the teachers, we realize the problems are outside. Problems from family is not ideally happy, sisters do not unite, conflicting all day, spoiled children; my spouse, my children, and my boss do not listen to me; the job is too hard, the price is too expensive, the price escalates, life is difficult due to political instability, politicians, government. Even worse, people blame for the million stars shined in the wrong ways from twenty to fifty years ago when they were born. We find endless sources for our problems from outside. Then we start solving rigidly with the 5WH technique, with a lot of efforts, resources put in to solve the problems. After a while, exhausted with the unsolved problems, or even problems getting bigger and bigger, we stuck to extreme stress. We are ineffective in solving problems. So what is the real problems?This reminds me of cutting trees. The trees are like your problems; tree of problems in the family, in work and in society. We start to cut down the problem tree. A tree has three parts are roots, stem, and leaves. The ineffective ones carry the ax cut trees in the leaves, tops, and flowers. They can mobilize a lot of people into cutting down foliage, breaking down branches with hundreds of people, tens of years, billions of dollars. People take place hundreds of miscellaneous things around the problem tree with the hope of the tree will die. The tree is still there, although they mobilize a lot of wealth, resources and people. Many useless rewards and conferences have put forth. Useless rewards used for tiny and small achievement which are misunderstood that the milestone achievement.The problem solved effectively when people cut the ax into the trunk or the root of the tree. One, two, three, four, and five minutes of cutting with about one hundred cuts, with only two people and the tree fall down.“Oh you really do not need to do this fast, so quickly like that, this is where we get paid for; this is the source of our income. We are paid by time.” Moreover, “you are less recognized, praised and less rewarded.”With the metaphorical image above, the skills learned above are important but not critical; it is equivalent to using axes to cut the leaves of the problem tree; it is hard but ineffective but ineffective people get the most rewards. It can call the paradox for effective and ineffective people.The decisive factor in solving the problem is not the problem but the individuals who solve the problem. When looking at correlations of solving the problem, let compare the magnitude of the individual and the magnitude of the problem. Moving a ten kilograms stone is a big deal for a small child or a dwarf, but moving a ten kilograms stone is a small problem for an adult or an athlete. Another example is the fifth-grade problem is difficult for students in grade fourth but is a simple problem for students in grades sixth or seventh. Is the problem of reducing difficulty? No problem is still the same, is the problem solver that has matured over time. In the field of life, there are such problems as fatherhood, motherhood, husbandry, self-management, financial management, and spiritual management. Do you say that you are good at solving these problems? If yes, I do not believe much, look at the emotions, the mood of those around you relating to the problem. When I self-arrogate, I often remind myself “Vietnam is a developing country or actually poor country, I am an average member in the country, in society and in the industry; I live in an average apartment in Vietnam, having an average living, which means I have poor thinking to some extent. So please do not be angrily and aggressively defends my point of views – the view of poverty. Do not force others to follow my expectation”.”I am wrong, not only with wrong actions. The deepening roots of misery are my wrong thoughts; from wrong thoughts creates wrong assumptions; from the wrong assumption creates wrong expectation; from unsatisfied wrong expectation creates wrong emotion; wrong emotion creates wrong actions; wrong actions create misery and stress in life. Wrong things compound with wrong things unconsciously. So the most effective way is I need to learn more to remove my ignorance”. This is my best reminder to help me from the action at the tempting moment.Mastering or cutting off the root of the problem here is to enhance the individual’s capacity or individuality. Make them bigger than the problems. Instead of complaining that there are too many things, too many problems need to solve; let identifying your small, your foolishness or your ignorance, which real things need to adjust. You need to do more, practice more, challenge more, accumulate more skills, gain more wisdom and achieve the enlightenment. According to many authors, identifying the right sources of the problem has helped solve fifty percent of the problem.From the authors’ teaching, we can find out how to cultivate the best in process of personal development. Here are some of the ways I collected:First, Jim Rohn and Brian Tracy recommend have a learning library, lifelong learning, goal – setting, and university on the wheel.Jim Rohn recommended a library of books, notebooks, and photos, to read, to think and to recite at least 30 minutes a day, several hours a week, one weekend at the end of the month and 2-3 weekend days of the end of the year. Work hard in creating a library, creating a diary. You will not remember the content of the lecture or interesting conference last week, last month or last year. Trust me, if you listened to an interesting lecture a year ago, you will not be able to remember ten percent of that message if you did not record or review in previous time. Please try! Do not trust your memory. Setting goals, when achieving goals, the goals are not important anymore but the person you become when achieving your goals.Brian Tracy recommends spending at least 30 minutes a day to read the knowledge related to the skill you want to improve. Try to read a lot, one month read at least from one to three books. After one year, you have a large amount of knowledge. He used the number of reading books to illustrate, to get the doctorate, learners have to read and study approximately fifty-five books. If you read and apply fifty-five books in the skill you want to improve, you are already a self-studied doctor. Interestingly, what you are self-motivated is much more effective than the motivation from the pressure from the environment. Learning because of wanting of desiring with the enthusiasm of passion, self-discipline is far more effective than the formal learning; because these are the vital ingredients creating great achievement.In addition, Brian Tracy also mentions “university on the wheel”, meaning that every day we move at least 2-3 hours, if in the car that we listen to audiobook, interesting ideas from books, conferences or teachings. One month we have approximately ninety hours of studying, after a year we have about one thousand hours of studying, which are equivalent to the number of credits in a year of studying in college. University on wheels, after nearly ten years listening, people can have ten thousand hours of learning, they have become outliers. Read the “outliers” of Malcolm Gladwell to understand the concept of ten thousand hours.Secondly, sources are western philosophy, oriental philosophy and street philosophy. Streets, crowds, life, nature is the place to practice, to contemplate and to apply what we learn and read. Life needs contemplation, testing, and adjustment. Always pay close attention to the PDCA in everything: planning, doing, checking and adjusting. Skillful in apply the lessons from Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mother Teresa, Confucius, Lao Tzu, Socrates, Plato and many other great men, who create the foundations of modern philosophy. Their teaching contains empathy, love, persistence, generosity, serving heart, dedication, simplicity, self – discipline, principle, virtues, compassion, humility; which are enduring values.Thirdly, we can gain wisdom and enlightenment by practicing meditation. In a lot of teaching of Buddha; and the follower of Buddha are Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Matthieu Ricard, people can easily practice and take the most advantage of meditation. People can create joy, happiness, and peace of mind from meditation. And the scientists, the researcher can control the focus of the mind, have a better view of themselves so that they will not fall into the trap of thinking.Fourthly, Seth Godin, John C Maxwell, Daniel Goleman, Stephen Covey, Tony Robbin, Albert Einstein, Thich Nhat Hanh, and many other extraordinary authors. They mention EQ: emotional intelligence, PQ: passion intelligence, AQ: adapting intelligence and SQ: spiritual intelligence. These are the abilities to master one’s emotions, to master the self; the ability to lead others, the ability to interact with people, environment to create the wanted changes. The individuals mastered AQ, EQ, PQ, SQ is the leaders in society. In addition, they also recommend that children and adults should remain the precious characters: endless curiosity; creativity, skillfully in asking the question; nourishing the imagination and keeping the spirit of the young child inside. These are the channels to keep the energy run smoothly between individuals and the environment. Use these channels people can stimulate the ideas directly to the unconscious mind, create happy emotion long before the conscious mind know what is happening. The smoother the energy, the better the body, family, and organization are. Parents can nourish these qualities in their children much more effective than the schools do. These qualities can be safe for the rigid of modern education. Pay attention to lead, learn and act so that you and others around you have these qualities of endless curiosity; creativity, skillfully in asking the question; nourishing the imagination, keeping the spirit of the young child inside, and the intelligence of AQ, PQ, SQ, EQ.
6. How do parents affect their children?
LETTER TO PARENTSDear parents,Thank you very much for your love, your interest with the children in the family, here are some insights and suggestions on how to love children in the right way.From the top educators, they all assert that children develop character in the first 6 years of life. Especially the first three years, the children are born as pieces of white paper, where adults who love children can draw on easily with the love, compassion, rewards, and punishment. Have you ever asked why developed countries have good welfares for children and mothers after giving birth? Because of the understanding that the quality of living the small children create the good characters, which will shape the quality of the nation in future. They consider the children not only belong to the parents, the children but also are the precious property of the nations. The parents, who are well educated about caring and loving children, know how to love their children in a right way. Unfortunate for the children in developing countries, adults do not know these understanding, so that the children are nourishing casually, carelessly or even crucially. It is not standard of living or the love of parents making the difference of living in the small children, but the understanding. It will be great for small children if their parents gain the understanding of loving the right way.As a result, Vietnamese corporations have to hire the 1970s or 1980s children are invited to work with a salary of one hundred to two hundred million dongs per month (5000$ – 10000$ per month), to manage the 1970s and 1980s Vietnamese children. Vietnamese children like you and me and our friends with the salary of from three, five to ten million dong per month (from 100$ to 500 $ per month)Have you ever measured how much our generation lost?This is the visible loss in hundreds of visible losses, which we have to bear. Sadly, that the hundreds of visible losses compare with the real losses are like the top of the iceberg to the iceberg. We can sense endless misery in daily life, in the newspaper, in media, which are the result of our ignorance, of misunderstanding lead to mistreating our children. With wrong interpretation, lack of understanding, we as the parents creating millions of loses for our children unconsciously without noticing. If we are not awake, our disadvantages and losses will become the disadvantage of our descendants. Most of the western children also bear the losses, if you look at the gaps of ordinary people with the successful ones you will see the losses. The ordinary people to some extent they are lacking some skills so that they are the products of the environment.Teachers in developed countries, teach in nursery school and elementary school, need a higher degree than the teachers in high school, at least a master degree. They seem as educators, they educate children with ethic, virtue, and characters. On the other hand, teachers of high school seem like trainers, they train students with skills. The new kindergarten teachers properly called Educators because they are shaping the personality of a human being. In Vietnam, it is quite the reverse, so I hope you not only play the role of parents but also the role of educators.
There are two exercises and suggestions I would like you to practice with your children:First, imagine you have a magic wand, you can swing and turn your children become anyone who they can become like politicians, entrepreneurs, educators, reformers, innovators, or the individuals you admire. What kind of characters do your children have? They can be some of these: confidence, independence, bravery, sharp thinking, creativity, humor, enthusiasm, charisma, great attitude, and the virtues of a leader. To have these characters, you are in the role of shaping: What is the specific work that you do daily, monthly and annually do for your children, when your children are one-year-old, two-years-old, three-years-old and so on until they become mature.There is a fact I always remind ourselves: “there will be those born in 2012, or 2016, after thirty to forty years later, some of them will become the prime ministers, the presidents, the directors, the leaders, the composers, the musicians, and the successful people. On the other hand, some of them can also become guards, motorbike carriers, taxi drivers, transporters, dullards, criminals, and drug addicts.Just slicing of our society to observe, there will be varieties kind of people like described in society, who born in the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s were like angels. After time looking after, teaching and caring in the families and society, under the good ways of respecting, love, encouragement, praise, gradually raising the challenge, have the opportunity to communicate, experiencing and open their own eyes. Unconsciously, under wrong way being abusive, being crucial punished, insulting, poorly labeled, negative affirming and without respect. Our societies in countries all over the world with a lot of dark sides and bright sides are now the results. Do not just criticize the regime, society. I affirm that now is the best regime in Vietnam and the world. We gain the most advancement in the last three hundred years; there is no time in the past better than this time of the present. Most of the results are due to the family’s identity, the influences of parents, relatives, environment and the way of using resources during the early stage of life of our children. Sometimes we do the good influences consciously, most of the time we make bad influences unconsciously.Looking at our angels, I think there is nothing impossible with them. Things that they think impossible or cannot later in life are thoughts mainly forced by adults, accidentally or intentionally loaded in children’s head. Adult use rewards and punishment make the coercion, the obligation, the prohibition, the blindly love, screaming and shouting with anger and the irrational reaction to gradually forming their beliefs. Our ways are quite different from that of parents living in the mansion, the millionaires, or billionaires, parents on the world.Do not give trust in television and movies, mesmerizing movies, scandals, and negative news. Be wary of media and television, the main purpose of the television is to compete to get more viewers. The mind has characters attracted to negative news, not interested much with good news. Therefore, the negative stuff full of the media and television; it is easy to get and have the highest appeal. There will be no bright men, or positive people watch television all day. Their level of lucidity decreases as they exposure to cheap films and negative news on television. We can figure out that the top farmers, artists, lecturers, experts, speakers, professors, and politicians rarely spend time on television, especially with negative media. Negative television can be a resource of negative energy that infuses negative energy to all aspects of our lives unconsciously. We can sense the negative energy if we pay attention.
Second, you also have a role as subordinates and the employees in the company, you often have desires, feelings, and expectations from your superiors. Sometimes you also bear the shamefulness and anger from your ignorant managers. In fact, your children have the same desire, feelings, and expectations from you. Sometimes, your children also bear the shamefulness and anger from your ignorance. At work, you have the feelings of joy, excitement, enthusiasm or sadness and disappointment in the interaction with your managers, which lead to the quality of work; at home, sometimes your children have the same feelings, which lead to the quality of your children’s life. Conflict is hard to avoid, but the role of the person in charge of the interaction can make the differences in the conflict. Your children expect you to pay attention to their emotions, needs, thoughts, and aspirations in solving the conflict; the good marks or bad marks you leave in solving the conflicts, which are high in emotion and attracted attention, can contribute the biggest influence to your children’s life. Anything from emotions, thoughts, to beliefs you have created in your children, will form the characters of your children in the future.Stay mindfulness to observe your motivations, thoughts, feelings, and expectation in every situation, review it every night; you will have a lot of ideas and right emotions to talk to your children. The quality of the conversation and interaction compound with time will make the big differences in your children. Be aware of the observation, and learn from your experiences to gain the compassion, love, and patience to play with your children.As you see the best present give to your child is your signs of progress every day. There will be happy children if they have the best parents, who become better every day, every month, and every year. Good parents lead to good brothers, good neighbors, good grandparents, and most important is the parents themselves. Good parents understand themselves, their children, and life enough that they can help their children with problemsGood parents have the habits of learning, reading, good characters and good habits described in the book “Seven habits of highly effective people” of Stephen Covey, of which child will observe and learn very quickly by imitation form their parents. Researchers show that children learn very quickly through imitation: the words, behaviors, gestures, or even curses from parents and environment, they learn very quickly with the process of rewards and punishments. They learn so quickly that three years old children have the amount of vocabulary that foreigners have to learn from five to ten years to get that amount of vocabulary. If parents are from two differences countries, their children can speak fluently two languages easily when they are five years old. In addition, children also have bad parental habits. Observing the small children and adults separately in a party, observers can easily match which children belong to the specific parents by the behaviors. In addition to learning through imitation, children are also excited to learn through all the five senses like holding objects, touching, biting and tasting by mouths; interesting sounds and light can attract the attention of children too. Children have endless curiosity in learning and observing the environment if parents encourage and support them. Owing to the safe and interesting environment that parents give to children, with the enthusiasm, endless curiosity of the children, the children can learn many things in a very short time compared to the adults. Please meet the curiosity of children, welcome the discomfort you have. With the question that you do not know the answer, you can ask for help from other people or work with your children to find the answers, do not disappoint your children, do not interrupt the flow of energy in your children. The more energy flow in your children’s body, the better, the healthier your children are. The small children have a lot of energy, energy need to nourish by actions; this is the reason why small children ask, talk, play, run, jump and study all day without tired. The more support of parents, the better the energy. When the children suppressed by the environment, they start to suppress the energy, they do not ask, do not talk, do not run, do not jump, and do not study. The approximate illustration is a three years old child asks a hundred questions a day endlessly without tired. After threatening, denying, and punishing by the environment; the five years old child asks only ten questions a day; the ten years old child is so afraid to ask that only ask three questions a day. The students labeled as ignorant students in the class, never asked, or questioned how to solve the problem; they lose the important skills in life, going to school or work, they never dare to ask any question so they never get the right answers. The labeled ignorant students have the patterns of behaving the same as the patterns of the old, which seem like poor energy, they do not ask or question any unwanted things. We are as the parents need to relive the energy in these children with love, encouragement, funny actions, and joyful environment.In nature, softness, weakness, eager to learn and curiosity are the indicators of life and development. Rigidity, conservatism, stiffness, refusing to learn and lack of curiosity are the indicators of death and recession. We can see these indicators in water and rock, small plants and the old plants, the young and the old. Einstein taught “curiosity and imagination are the save of traditional education.” So please encourage and satisfy the curiosity of your children; and nourish the imagination with the fairy tales.Do not work so hard but ineffective, just teach your children and form the good habits in family-like creativity, positive feedback, sharing, loving, supporting, open communicating, not attacking personal, and focusing on solving the problems. As parents, you need to create fun and excitement in the formation of these characters. Remember to enhance self-esteem and confidence in your children by making children feel important; always praise, encourage, appreciate your children. In interaction, pay attention to justice, respect, kindness, generosity, and love. Do not let your children experience feelings of fear and inferiority because of comparing. If you remember the past events solving your problems with your parents, you will understand and compassionate the thoughts, feelings, and desires of your children in a difficult time. Because the children have the same basic needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires as you when you were in childhood.These are some of my ideas, thank you for listening, I hope that you will remind me when I break the rules, and I will not mind to remind you if you commit any mistake.Few people realize in Vietnamese song:”Parents are the shield,Protect entire the child’s life.”This deep-rooted insight is in stark contrast to the western way of teaching and caring for children. We need to remove for the children to have the chance to develop. In difficulty, children have chances to use the function of hands, legs, eyes, ears and all other senses, and the brain to think. If parents protect their children every day because they are afraid of their children can get hurt when doing and solving the problem, they accidentally take away all the chances to develop the children’ ability.You need to take time to contemplate on these views.First is extremely cruel, extremely loving – the book titleSecond is shallow looking catch the love, but looking deep, we can realize, To some extent, it is extreme cruelty; some parents love their children so blindly that their love destroys the characters of the children, they force children to adopt the things which they think are good for their children. Cursing and comparing in hope that children will do better, crucially forcing the children to eat a large number of foods at all cost, raising children as fatty as possible. This is the heartless love, selfish love; parents use violence in the mask of love to force the children the things parents want but do not care much about what the children want. Love that goes with crucial forcing without understanding the children can hurt the children the most.The third is how to make your children have passion and love for learning, working and training. Passion and love are only gain through kind guidance, compassion, open-mindedness from parents to wake up responsibility and compassion in children. People with passion can create extraordinary results.Excellent students like studying, working and training. In the mind of excellent students, they match studying, learning, and working with fun and excitement; moreover, they attach enjoying, useless playing, playing the online game, wasting time with the suffering and misery. If they play and waste time, they will sense the loss of time to reach their goals, they will sense the pain from missing the visions, they can feel the pain their parents will bear, and the misery their family will suffer. They can feel imaginative misery as strong as real misery. The pain bearing in future is far bigger than the joy of enjoying or playing the game. In the equation of cost and benefit in taking the decision, good students always have enough good clues to make good decisions. These students do not need strict management from their parents.On the other hand, students with poor results are afraid of studying, thinking, working, and training. In their mind, they misconceive learning, studying, training with pain, fatigue, and exhaust. They conceive useless playing, playing the game, wasting time, destroying with fun and excitement. If they play and waste time, they will not sense any loss of time, they do not care much in finding, and pursuing the goals, they will not sense any pain from missing the blur visions, they can feel no pain even their parents have to bear in future. They feel the temporary joy and excitement of the playing, destroying, and wasting time. They are not familiar with the hard works needing effort, concentration, and contemplation; they feel extreme pain and boredom with studying, thinking, working and training. The temporary pain and joy collect from the present. In the equation of cost and benefit in taking a decision, bad students always have enough clues of temporary pain and joy, which are combining into bad decisions and bad actions. These bad students have a huge amount of energy, it is like the flow of water; if being suppressed too much, even with a thick, strong dam of rules; one day the energy can break out the dam with extreme power and making the children rebel unconsciously leaving the extreme wounds for everybody. These students do need management from their parents with love, compassion, patience, and understanding. These are vital elements to direct the wild energy to the useful routes. The parents skillful in parenting can create benefit changes in their rebelling children. Reading the stories of many successful men, we can see the turning point in their life owning for the love, compassion, considering, patience and understanding from the skillful people. The skillful people can be their parents, relatives, heroes or anyone they accidentally met.Fourth is it leads a management perspective “management is an excessive act if the group is well-lead.” In my point of view, this management perspective is also true for the family. A good leader is one of the explanations that some families gain outstanding achievement and happiness with leisure in action and less effort. On the other hand, the family with the bad leader, people work hard all day, tired without any comfort; gains no happiness, little achievement even putting the huge effort into action.Fifth is in psychology, people often do or take action to make them feel comfortable and happy, and people avoid doing things that cause the feeling of pain or discomfort. To some extent, some bad habits like smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, addicting drugs, playing the game, or rebelling can satisfy some of the needs of the children, the satisfaction of needs can make children feel joyful or happy. These bad habits can help them to create a feeling of comfort so that when in stress, these kids want to find these bad habits to make them feel at ease. So that the effective way of quitting an addiction is having the support, compassion, and love from people around, which are helpful in creating supporting environment to prevent the stress, and the helping if needed when stress comes.
It would be great if you, your family, schools and your society could create the feeling of fun, excitement and meaningful in the studying and work for your children; and create the feelings of hatred, pain or regret in smoking, playing video games, addicting, wasting time and overeating. Unfortunately, the conscious or unconscious behaviors of Vietnamese parents make the children feel sick, tired and bored with working and studying. That is one of the reasons that many kids want to avoid working and studying and want to find the things that make them immediately feel joyful like watching television, playing the game online, playing gambling and rebelling. Understanding the motivators of actions, parents can think and observe to find the best way to change the bad habits in children to the good ones gradually, with little efforts but the most effective.Sixth is when you learn and practice, you will gain understanding. On the process of learning and practicing, you will encounter with the concept of Pareto principle or the 80/20 principle, which is similar to “first thing first” of Stephen Covey, to find out and prioritize what is important first. In Jim Rohn teaching we can find this pattern: “successful people are major in major things and minor in minor things, and unsuccessful people are minor in major things and major in minor things.These are my suggestions. I hope you can contemplate at a suitable time to help your children.Let think how hard for parents of Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Bill Gate, Steve Job, Warren Buffet, Mark Zuckerberg, many other self-made millionaires, activists, and humane educators to raise their children to become self-made billionaires, self-made billionaires. When you find the right answers, you will understand the keys of advance education system of developed countries, the keys of mastery parents, the keys of leadership. Best of all, you have the chance to awaken that the highest art of action, simple is non-action.
7. I AM SORRY VICTIMS, WE ARE WRONG.
Dear readers, fathers, mothers, teachers, educators, politicians and soldiers,We are wrong; we need to change for our kids, our beloved ones, our people and ourselves.When do all of us know and treat ADHD, Autism, Depression and Suicide, Homicide, Gunfire, autoimmune diseases, and all problems? And the hidden causes?The world is spending half of it money: $ thousand billion on buying the weapon for finding safety, certainty or peace. Then they spend $ thousand billion on medicine, luxury products, cars, villas for find the feeling of significance, recognition, importance, and they spend other $ trillions on medication, the drug with the hope of sleeping well, relaxing, relieving, and enjoying the artificial comfort and happiness?A stress moment can kill a student.A stress moment can kill a bankerA stress moment can kill a CEOA stress moment can kill a politicianThey are strong but the severe stress moment can have affected all their life. It embeds in their brain, cell, the organ that we do not consciously know but the subconscious mind know that moment: smell, sound, noise, invisible signal then create the conditioned responses to it. You see soldiers in ended 1950 are still under stress with any mild unwanted triggers.Language, religions, accent, belief, behaviors, rituals, religions and funeral religions are the conditioned responses: you, your friend and partners have big differences in these: Will you dare to try to change with other people to enjoy their belief, rituals, and religions. Even the name of you and your dogs are results of Conditioned responses with languages. You like all of these because you have been conditioned, not because you like and chose these. The process of conditioning is so well and silently that you may illusively think you have the Ego,… You may die or sacrifice for the adopted assumption, belief, and religions. People are so ignorant that people in one family, community, region, district, class, city, countries are fighting for changing opinions.Value of character: the kind of conditioned responsesDiscontented men react to good unwanted things discontentedly. “Discontented men may shout when seeing thorn in the bushes of roses.”Contented men have conditioned responses to response contentedly to any unwanted things, problems, and challenges. “Contented men happy, joyful and hope when seeing a rose in the bushes of thorns.”Value of character, the adjective of character: Discontented men react to good unwanted things discontentedly. Contented men conditioned responses to response contentedly to any unwanted things, problems, and challenges. He is ADJECTIVE character means he conditioned ADJECTIVE responses, or he always responses to things adjectively.Worst of all, he is intelligent but corrupt, means he finish well the corrupt works intelligent that no one until a hundred years later.Seeing a girl with college education screaming and running away when seeing a cockroach I understand the useless of knowing or formal education. Seeing a small brave girl ready to fight with a thief, a dog to protect her friends and understand the value of characters. ButThey live in stress, eat in fear, sleep in anxiety, playing in the boring safe side, wear luxury clothes in discontentment, study with pressure, and sexing with contempt. They never find real joy and happiness.Stress chemical: Adrenalin, noradrenalin, and cortisone. And happy chemicals: Endorphin, Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin; these chemical secreted in the body according to the state of mind. If an individual changes the state of mind, they may change the chemical in the body. Chronic Stress people may get the serious side effect of Stress chemicals. List the effects, and side effects on the medical books we know the results of stress on the body.Effects of Adrenalin: Sweating, Nausea and vomiting, Pale skin, Feeling short of breath, Dizziness, Weakness or tremors, Headache, Feeling of nervousness or anxiousness.Effects of Norepinephrine: Pain, burning, Numbness, weakness, or cold, Slow or uneven heart rate, Trouble breathing, Vision, speech, or balance difficulties, Blue lips or fingernails, and Spotted skin.Less serious side effects Cortisol: Acne, dry skin, or thinning skin, Bruising or discoloration of the skin, Insomnia, Mood changes, Increased sweating, Headache, Dizziness, Nausea, stomach pain,Serious side effects cortisol: Vision problems, Swelling, Rapid weight gain, Shortness of breath, Severe depression or unusual thoughts or behaviors, Seizures, Bloody or tarry stools, Coughing up blood, Symptoms of pancreatitis: pain in your upper stomach that spreads to your back; nausea and vomiting; or fast heart rate.Because of me, because of you I always enjoy these chemicals in eating, receiving, getting, giving, sleeping and enjoying. In psychology, they overreact, want to be alone, and have abnormal behavior: it is the instinct of the weak in the stressful environment in the hope of find out safety for the self.By observing, parents can know the early symptoms or pattern of stress, non-safety in children since they are one week, one month or two-month-old or three months old babies to predict the problems they will get: ADHD, Autism, depression or hysterical anxiety, so that you may know what, when and how to help your children mindfully. The family is the only place where the enemies sleep the same bed. But all will sleep with the stress hormones, very tired, terrible sleep: because they do not find trust or safety from the partner. It is devastating to both wife and husband. But the baby bears it all: the infant with the fragile, sensible brain. The immature brain is forming under stress:
“Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurtBecause of youI find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around meBecause of youI am afraid” Kelly Clarkson: because of youHappy kids are free to play, do, try, fail and have unconditioned support. “They are safe to work”Stressed kids are so fearful that they have to play in safe, learn in the clean, walk-in trail, and never fail. They have to bury the instinct nature: “They have to work to safe””All on oneOne in allChildren are familyThe family is a nationThe nation is the world”Happiness chemicals:Dopamine: get a goal, finish a task, and achieve a purpose, finish a job, win the lottery: gambling, betting. Get hits, like or good comment on Facebook, Get good grade. When you find a big bargain in a buying, your purple widen. Excessive dopamine can increase the heartbeat, ventricular arrhythmia, atrial fibrillation, ectopic heartbeats, Tachycardia, angina, palpitation, bradycardia, vasoconstriction, hypotension, hypertension, shaking or collapsing are listed on all pharmacology books.When you are joyful or excited, you have Piloerection, Nausea, vomiting, Anxiety, Mydriasis – caused by dopamine.Endorphin is the reward of labor.Serotonin: comes when you get close contact: skin to skin, kiss, hugs, embracing, intimating acts. Or the feeling of belonging and significance. Dogs can make the owner have this feeling. When doing good, kind, and helping others. An act of goodness: the doer, the receiver, and the watcher will have the feeling caused by this. Dopamine and Serotonin is the chemical that all psychic medication used to increase in patients. All medications for depression aim at increasing these.Lastly, the chemical is oxytocin: sex, love, skin contact, and giving birth are high with this.Scientists find that oxytocin may help autistic mice. they will do more research in the future to apply to the autistic child. They do not know that these happy chemicals are secreted when they treat well with each other with love, close contact, connection, supporting and trusting. Using smartwatches to know the emotion, thinking of people is the good suggestion by observing physical figures: heartbeat, blood pressure during the days, events, years and important Missions.
When people can sense the changes in the body with these chemical- it called Gut Feelings: tighten the muscle, throbbing in head muscle, sweating or chill. It is there even we consciously know it or not as a conditioned response with the environmentHow about the fragile kid who is forming the immature brain in stress. Best of all is calm stress down by
- Unconditional love
- Connection: people, animal, nature, parents
- Unstressed environment: happy, warm, cheering; then make them have
- Ability to deal with facts of life – the fact that some people may think is a big threat, problems, or danger
Simple breathing meditation helps children better than medication in ADHD and Autism. Father said: “the day autistic child happy he will less over-react than the stressful day.”Really good with meditation. It calms the mind and brings the mind to the body. Live in mindfulness by simple breath. Daniel Goleman the author of Emotional intelligence has told the story of applying simple breathing meditation in elementary school in chaos areas. It works. When you nervous, anxiety, people usually advise you to calm down and breath slowly, deeply.How to start:Observe the body when breathing in and out. Or stick a small object on the lower abdomen near then let the kid breath in and breath out with observing the moving of body This kind of breath bring the mind of kid back to present. The kid does not have to live with fear or stress of the past or future. When the mind at ease with the body, the good chemical flush the brain and repair the defect in the brain. Zen masters are the mind master. Countless phenomena create an event but the organs of senses of people only catch a few varieties into the brain or mind. Then the neocortex interprets small part of data in the brain into sensual language: sound, image, senses, order, spaces, and movement to translate for the next generation, scientists called multiple intelligences. The sages and enlightened one is right when they said “they are smart because they do not know any things at all, then they start to accumulate facts for decisions, not accumulate distorted facts for stubborn assumptions. The more of thinking, doing, examining, and trying makes more connections inside the brain. Enough huge amount of connection in good quality makes the mind jump to a higher level of thinking: “Quantity of connection change enough create the change of quality in mind.” Perhaps, it may take 10.000 hrs as Malcolm Gladwell. Meditation is the exercise of the mind that creates enough connection creates the powerful brain that Tibetan monks can create the highest brain’s wave “Gamma wave, this gamma wave only catch in seizure attack.” Enough connection the cognitive mind can understand the information in the subconscious mind, that cannot express in words, sound, images and sensual feelings, they have sharpened the intuitive mind. Artists have the highest intuitive mind that they can do, write or paint the works that carry the message but hardly understood by most ordinary people. it is out of words, out of images, out of sound to describe the beauty or ugly of the artworks. No one can describe the beauty of the painting of Picasso worth $ 90 million for the blind men. Meditation awakens the mind, meditation awakens the body, meditation awakens the world. The family is the only place where the enemies sleep shares the same bed, they may sleep, eat, and enjoy stress. The fact is all will sleep with the stress hormone very tired, terrible sleep: because they do not find trust or safety from the partner. It is devastating to both wife and husband. But the baby bears it all: the infant with a fragile, sensible brain. The immature brain is forming under stress.UNFORTUNATELY, THE LEVEL OF STRESS IN THE MIND IS UNLIMITED, BUT THE PREPARE OF THE PHYSICAL BODY IS LIMITED.Then the autoimmune started ignorantly but incredible collectively.When all are high, the organ may send the feedback signal to the brain to stop secreting hormones. The brain still wants to raise the level of preparation of the body to find safety in fight and flight, as the nation raises money to build weapon and army. The lower organs start to send the feedback to calm the mind and effects down to regulate blood pressure, blood glucose and remain Biological homeostasis. The hysterical mind does not want that, Immune system obeys the order of the brain to attack the normal cells. Autoimmune diseases started, wars started, stress started.The pain inside out, stress inside out, live with some people may worsen than dying. All perceptions are relative. Some conditioned chose the negative side. Sorry, some of them choose suicide.Worst of all: most victims are good people. Rarely prisoners commit suicide. They become the victims mainly because of their goodness, considering for other, weakness and helplessness. I am sorry!I am sorry!I am sorry!We need to help them.Just remember the moment of doing kindly to each other, kindness, respect, trust… described by the positive adjective or positive adjectively, all will going to sleep easily, happily, and peacefully.You do not teach healthy kids to learn the languages: English, Japanese, Chinese, and Vietnamese… but kids can make it become their instinct. Walking, thinking, studying countless skills: one-year-old kids, two-year-old kids, three-year-old kids never have to sit in the table to learn. But that time kids can learn more than anybody can imagine.Playing is learning, watching is learning, sleeping is learning, and doing is learning… Their most powerful tools are the weakness, beloved, cute, enthusiasm, pay attention, curiosity, asking, imagining, and learn, try, fail, think, learn, try, fail, think, learn, try, fail, think with joy, enthusiasm and never said a negative work.Seeing a friend with college degree take five to ten year to learn English but fail in communicating with English, I realize that how potential our kids are if we let them freely as themselves.Just give them the needed basic ones, they will grow and develop incredibly. We need to accept to let them grow.
Thank for reading, I hope that we can be awakened for our beloved people.
Michael Jackson – Earth Song (Official Video)
Kelly Clarkson – Because Of You (VIDEO): Chorus of the good kids that parents do not know
Awaken You Wonderful We
Fighting at school, work: No love – Eminem